Hocus Pocus

Kriss: “We should have done* Bessie, but we were just too confused when we brought her in.”

(“done” = skinned and tanned her for a bedroom rug)

Kriss: “Kitty Kitty did not die. Kitty Kitty got stolen by the bizarro nun.”

Kriss: “Do you have a hankie on your head?” Shannon: “Yeah, I forgot I put it up there!”

Maggie: “Mom, you know what’s good? Taco dip.”

Shannon: “These cheeks aren’t thorns. These cheeks are gifts.”

Ann: “Every stroke of genius comes with a moment of despair.”

Kriss: “People aren’t used to the taste of lard anymore.”

Maggie: “She [Lucy] shows no signs of becoming a psychopath.”

Kriss: “Hey, Jon, you’ve got some rutabaga in your Croc hole!”
derek (later): “If that’s what I think it is, what’s a Croc?”

Ann: “I just blanked myself on pie.”

Shannon: “Moonboots never come off the farm.”

“Monkeys Control a Robot Arm With Their Thoughts”

— New York Times, May 29, 2008

Steve Jobs is being quoted this week as saying that “people don’t read anymore.” (more…)

You said it.

Source: The Onion, accessed December 4, 2007.

Kriss: “So Jon, have you been to one of those iStores?” (Jon: “You mean the Apple Store, Kriss?” “Yes!”)

Linda: “I don’t know, I believe it was something about the cake going down your hole.”

Alisa: “You can’t have not a belly button.”

Shannon/Jon/derek: “Do I smell dope?”

Ann: “Sometimes a girl gets a sore butt.”

Shannon (of the sun): “We are talking about a heated object.”

Lucy: “Google.”

Ann: “It’s garlic Jesus.” Jake: “Does Jesus come in other flavors than garlic?”

Kriss: “I like having church on the couch.”

Alisa (?): “We’ve got to get our inaccuracies straight.”

Unknown: “That was a statement of exaggeration.”

Jon: “Of course, some of us poop in our pants.”

Kriss: “There’s too many legs here!”

Eli: “I went over here so people wouldn’t smell it!”

Ann: “Gaborgachev” and “Assarafat”

derek: “He’s got a thing for crazy, apparently.”

Alisa: “Get busy making Chex Mix, or the Chex Mix will get busy making you.”

“Errs to throne”

Chicago Tribune, October 28, 2006, referring to St. Louis’s World Series win, 4 games to 1 over Detroit

This headline works in so many ways: criticizing Detroit for making so many critical errors, dissing St. Louis by suggesting they backed into the title through little virtue of their own, and of course it’s a perfect pun.

Ann just said, “You look for software like I look for shoes.”

Segmented marketing, sure: but this is ridiculous. You might want to have more than one possible buyer in mind.